I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
