Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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