Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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