I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
