Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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