i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
