Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
