It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
