just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
it was like eating out sand paper
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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