i need an iv and a liver transplant
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
