Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
