...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
