someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
