Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
