Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize