Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
