Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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