I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
