it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
