apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
