He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize