Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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