So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
