I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
not ubering you a puppy
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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