today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
