why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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