HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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