I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
