you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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