do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I know her cup size but not her name....
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
