the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
