We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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