How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
