yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
