i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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