Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
