Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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