someone threw a dead crab at me
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
