the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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