I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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