I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Come share oat with me in your robe
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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