i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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