He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
How's work?
Spinning.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
