I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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