so that wasnt chicken after all
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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