i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
