Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
