you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
pray to the hookup gods
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
