dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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