This is not my ceiling
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
