You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
