That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
