so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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