who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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