I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Do you still have your period?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
