It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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