Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize