Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
