But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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