This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
