There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
