The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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