Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
