That's intense
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize