Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
