Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
