Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
