just tell him i said nine months
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
