Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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