I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
