I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize