great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
smell my finger.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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